This is a really different Advent season for me this year. For the first time in nearly a decade, I am not the one planning the worship, not the one crafting the flow of anticipation, not the one handing the candle to the wide-eyed child on the third Sunday. This year, the sanctuary will hold a different kind of silence for me, not the quiet of holy preparation, but the quiet of absence.

I’ve never been an unrealistic person. I usually go into situations having already imagined the worst (shoutout to my anxiety disorder and chronic overthinking). But even with that mindset, the last two years have been something I never could’ve prepared for.

Over the last two months, the learning curve of myself has been steep, like, Everest steep. It’s been one of those seasons where God doesn’t just knock gently on the door of your heart, but kicks it wide open and says, “ Let’s deal with this mess .” And honestly, I didn’t see it coming. I started going to Spiritual Direction, which is basically like therapy, but with more Jesus and less couches. It helped me pause, breathe, and take a hard look at my soul. I re-examined what

Studying to be a therapist has brought a lot of things to the surface for me, things I’ve always felt deep down when it comes to the church and trauma. I’m seeing now, more clearly than ever, how many church leaders have no idea about the damage they’re doing, simply because they don’t understand how trauma impacts the human mind and how deeply pastoral care shapes the human soul.

In 2022, I was so excited to start my journey as a pastor in the Christian Reformed Church in North America (CRC). To be fair, I didn’t wake up one morning dreaming about the CRC; I came because a friend, a CRC pastor, invited me, and the church calling me happened to be a CRC congregation. Still, I decided if I was going to be here, I would be here, mind, body, and soul. I would embrace this denomination as my own, and they would embrace me as theirs.

It’s hard to give the Brits much credit when you pause and consider the devastating role they played in the Transatlantic slave trade. The impact of that history, centuries of stolen lives, cultural erasure, and racial trauma, still echoes loudly today. And yet, somewhere in the complex mess of imperialism, colonization, and global conflict, there was a Brit, one among many, who stood out in the 20th century for his bold stand against injustice and tyranny. That Brit was none

I know, I know...the internet probably doesn’t need another blog post. There are already millions of words being launched into the void every day, each one pushing information, opinions, reflections, or strategies. And honestly, if I really wanted to share some thoughts, shouldn’t I just start a podcast? That’s what everyone’s doing now. It’s the thing. People are listening more than they’re reading these days. So…why a blog entry?